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This week promises to be a busy one. I have two funerals that require my attention. These funerals will require emotional energy. There is also a finance meeting in which we are going to set the 2010 budget. As one can imagine that meeting can also be draining. Add to these happenings the regular duties of staff meeting, visiting the sick, making phone calls, and preparing a sermon and leading two Bible studies. Even as I write these words I am well aware that there will be happenings that I have not even seen coming.
All of this demands some skill at time management. However, the bigger issue is following God’s leading. This week that lies ahead of me is not mine to use as I want to use it. It is a gift from God that requires I use it as He would have me use it. Therefore, what is required of me is to be in a relationship with God that listens to His leadings.
I would be a failure as a pastor if I only did what I wanted to do. Therefore I ask you as you read these words to pray for me. Pray that as God speaks I will listen and obey. Also pray that God will continue to give me the strength and endurance that the tasks before me require.
Last Sunday our church had another preview service which will help us become a multi-sited church. I have spent most of today discussing the many parts of that service. But in the midst of the discussion we all have been in agreement that despite the many technical problems God was in the house. I would rather have God’s Spirit with us and have a less than perfect service than to have a perfect service without God’s Spirit. God’s Spirit with us makes all the difference in the world.
It is all too easy to think we are doing something great and feel like it was a success. However, the Scripture put it well that “without God they labor in vain who build the house.” (Psalm 127:1) One of the problems as I see it among the modern church is that there is too much emphasis on what we can do and not enough upon relying on God. I not only needed to write those words I need to live them. I work too hard at what I can do and not enough on letting God work.
Using fountain pens is my writing instrument of choice. I love the feel of the pen in my hands. Writing slowly and deliberately is much easier with a fountain pen in my hand. In my mind there are many good reasons to use such an instrument. But there are some reasons that fountain pens have lost interest to many. One of those negatives is that these pens can be messy. More than once I have had ink get on my hands from the pen.
Today I started to write a note to someone and discovered that the pen I was using was out of ink. This is not big problem and I quickly got up and got the bottle of ink. One of the great features of the fountain pen is that there are many colors of ink. I took my bottle of purple ink and filled the pen. As I was putting the lid back on the bottle I dropped it. Ink went all over the table. I cleaned it up and felt good about it. Not much damage except that I was going to have purple fingertips for a few hours.
Lunch time found me having lunch with some friends. I was relaxing and enjoying the conversation when I noticed that the ink had spotted my pants. The purple spots stood out and although I tried to forget about them, my eyes kept seeing them over and over again.Those spots remind me of the many times I have sinned against others or God and thought all was well. Later I have discovered that my ‘sinning’ brought damage to myself or others. Strange how I don’t like to think about this but it is real in my world. So, today I am thankful for forgiveness from God and others. That forgiveness has allowed me to continue to enjoy life. It also has reminded me that I need to be a forgiving person, too.
As I type these words I am concerned about a happening that is beyond my control. It is happening in the church and could affect some ministry. But should I step in and take control or let it go. I wrestle with this issue at many different levels. What really amazes me is that I know in my head I cannot control everything that happens in the life of this church and yet a part of me what to do that very thing. I don’t think of myself as a ‘control freak.’ But there is that part of my personality that wants life to be a certain way and I have good reasons it should be that way. I know I need more of God’s grace and guidance in my life and I need that grace in dealing with many of life’s happenings that are not to my liking.
Daily I wrestle with letting God have control of my life. In reality I have more than enough to do just taking care of my life. So, I think I will take my mind off of what is going on around me and look a little deeper within myself. I also am going to spend some time in prayer asking God what He wants me to do. God really knows best.
Last night we had a church meeting. We were discussing some lofty topic when I decided to put my two cents worth into the discussion. Reflecting on what I said it was not worth two cents. I spoke out of my own tiredness and disappointments with certain past happenings. Although no one said anything to me after the meeting, I felt terrible. Going home, I shared with my spouse who looked at me like I was from a different planet. She wondered what I was even talking about. I put my head on the pillow and wondered if I knew what I was talking about. I laid awake for a few minutes and wondered if I could be transported to a new setting and start over somehow in a new life. (Well, maybe it was not that bad but you get the idea)
Despite my many thoughts I did sleep well. However, I still was thinking about how stupid I was as I was walking my dog and talking to God. God seemed to agree that I was not His smartest student but He did tell me He loved me. That was a plus! The more I talked with God He seemed to nudge me to take some positive steps that would help the entire situation. So, as I write these words today I write them as a person who knows they are human and can fail in many ways but also a human that God loves. I wish I was perfect but it is only wishful thinking. But it is not wishful thinking to trust God and follow Him in spite of my weaknesses.