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I find myself being a bit of an extremist. I tend to view life as good or bad. I have trouble seeing the gray parts of life. This world view causes me some difficulties. Evaluating situations and certain parts of life are not as simple as good or bad. I have come to realize that life is life and that it is more important to live it than to evaluate all that happens. In the end really only God has the wisdom to judge.
Today I am going to live more of life and spend more time in engaging life positively and less time being critical of myself. I know that one of the best ways to do this is to let God run life and not just life but my life. So, my prayer for myself is to be filled with God’s Spirit and love and let that flow through my being out into the world around me.
When I do some baking (which is not as often as my spouse would like) I get out the measuring cups. Those measuring cups help me to put the correct amount of materials into the mixture. How does one know if they are following God as they should? Where are the measuring cups? How does one know they are where they should be in their relationship with God?
There are many variables. But to me (and I repeat to me) the real test of my relationship to God is how I am getting along with others. Do I love –really love others? I know that I often say I do and yet I know deep within me that I don’t always love all. In fact there are times I am out of sorts with some. If I am honest there are even times I don’t care for some who are different than I am. How does this happen and what does it mean?
I believe that there are times I drift from God’s love and try to rely on my own power to love all. I need to do some confessing. There is confessing that I do indeed not love all and that I am trying to love all on my own power.
Today I am going to spend time alone with God and ask Him to help me be an instrument of His love and not just to a select group of individuals but to all.
Today I received an email for a person whose son is critically ill. He has been sick for a long time and I have seen him many times in the hospital. When I read her note I took time to pray. At such times I wish I could take the pain away. I never know exactly what to do or what to say. I feel my limitations keenly when I face situations where I really can do nothing.
Admitting I find myself helpless I not only humbling but a time to acknowledge the One who is over us all. God is the only One who can help us in our helpless moments. I know that He does work through others and that others can pull us through many deep waters. However, only God can truly bring us peace and joy.
So, today I pray for all who are in need of comfort and healing. I will do my best to represent God but I know I am not God. I am praying that God will work through me. As always I have to let God’s Spirit not only be in me but released through me.
Yesterday was Easter Sunday. We had some great Church services. The Church was filled with many who came with a great spirit that seemed to be contagious. God was in the house for sure. As I visited with many I heard many favoriable comments about the church and one would think that today I would be riding high in the great feeling of everything looking successful. But such is not the case.
After the service were over I walked out and almost immediately started thinking those thoughts that are not only not productive but can take my eyes off Jesus. I thought about the people that weren’t there for various reasons. Then my mind raced to those comments that seemed to come out of nowhere that were not meant to hurt but nonetheless do. I started to question my leadership style and my abilities to be a pastor. Well other were looking for Easter eggs I was looking for an excuse to not like myself. I was able to find some reasons for self pity. To top all of this off, I went to bed and did not sleep well and so today I am tired. What a mess!
Of course all of this could have been avoided if I would have just stayed focused on what I really know to be the truth and not allow myself to think on things that are not lovely. So, starting now I am going to change mental directions. It is time to change channels and think on the good that is all around me. There is so much that I could not think on it all in one 24 hour day. Staying focused requires discipline but it is well worth it.