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Today I have been spending much of my time ‘working’ on computers. My office computer ‘crashed.’ I lost all my files and I am still trying to restore some of those files. It is a strange feeling to have to start over again. I also got a new computer for my personal use at home. So, I am also loading programs on it that I feel are needed. I really don’t mind this too much but I do mind the time that it takes to complete the task. I know feel like I am behind on my regular work.
One of the facts of my life is that I love my routine. So, when something comes along and ‘throws’ me off of it I don’t always react with great joy. I wonder if this part of my personality has stopped me at times from being open to the Holy Spirit moving in my life. After all God does shake us off of the routines from time to time. So, I guess I will continue getting those computers organized the way I want them to be organized. But I also hope I will be more open to God’s many surprise moves in my life.
I don’t care for the fact that I am not perfect. Being a minister carries responsibilities. There are those who are counting on me for a ‘word’ from God. So, when I find myself reacting in less than godly ways I become disappointed in myself.
But as I reflect on this I also realize that such times draw me closer to God who not only accept me as I am but gives me strength to go on. In fact God does not demand perfection. He created humans to not be perfect but to give Him the glory He deserves.
This brings me to where I am tonight as I write these words. I will be in conversation with God and soak in His love and acceptance. His gracious ways with me allow me to be gracious with others who are not perfect either. I may not care for my imperfections but perhaps I should be. My weaknesses can be God’s strength.
Sometimes I wish I could be a better leader. At staff meeting today programs were presented that I had questions and concerns about their cost effectiveness. Of course, I realize that one cannot put a price on a changed life. And I would be the first to admit that I do not always know how or the way God ‘works.’ So, I am sure that the staff wondered about my faith and vision. It is budget time and I am sure I seemed like a keeper of the money bag. Now I sit at home wishing I had been a better leader.
So, I not only am thinking I am also taking this time to pray. I am asking God for forgiveness for a prideful attitude that thinks I know it all. I am also praying for God to guide me as a ‘lead’ pastor. Believe it or not, I do not have all the answer and I do not function in a perfect way. But on a positive note I do know a perfect God who works all things (even my ways) for good. Today I am thanking God for being God.
Today I find myself watching the scenery as my spouse drives. We are on our way for a short visit with my son and daughter in law. The sun is shining and the countryside is changing before my eyes. There is a hint of the fall colors coming out. Crops are being harvested and my eyes happily register all the magnificent creation around me. God is bringing me a refreshment and renewal.
Each of us, as humans, are unique. So, my experience may not be your experience but God seems to speak to me the loudest through His creation. What a delight to marvel again at the splendor of the warm sun and the wild flowers that blow in the wind. God is alive and well. Today my heart sings and rejoices in God’s marvelous and mysterious world.