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Today is the Monday after my mother’s death. I made it through yesterday (Sunday) and seemed fine. Today I woke up feeling alone and not ready to face the day at all. I am sure the feeling with pass but right now I am sitting in the moment and letting this feeling just hang on me. I need to grieve and grief hits a person at strange times and in strange ways. I am very thankful for my mom and all that she did for me and it hurts to know that I will not be able to see her any more in this life. No one can really take her place. But I write these words because I also know that others can help me through this season of life. So, today I am thankful for my family and friends who have reached out to me and help me stumble along. Thanks!!!!!
Yesterday I went to see my mom who was just put in hospice. As I looked at her my heart ached. Obviously she is dying. I told her about my love for her and thanked her for all she has done for me. No one has prayed harder for me. The words came out and I am confindent she heard me. She told me she loved me and then went to sleep. I left the room and began visiting with my sisters. As I was visiting my spouse, Phyllis, called out for me to come quickly. My mom had yelled my name and told me she was going home.
As I reflect on my time with my mom I am most encouraged by my mom’s last words to me that she is going home. I like her attitude and most of all her faith. She gave me a great gift -the gift of a glimpse of eternity. I thank God for a Godly mom.
At the start of most weeks I print out a calendar of the weeks appointments and activities. Many of those weeks are filled with a variety of happenings. Some weeks are busier that others. Most of the time I enjoy being busy but sometimes I wonder if I use being busy as a way to avoid looking more deeply at myself and life in general. I find that being busy allows me to control my life and while that appears a good thing it also gives me a false sense of security in me.
Could it be that when God made one of the Ten Commandments to keep the ’sabbath’ He was warning us that we could get too busy? So, today I am going to slow down a bit and see what God wants me to see.