Yesterday I went to a continuing education event that was great. The speaker talked to minsters and reminded us of our humanity. I loved the wake up call. It spoke to my heart that I cannot do anything on my own power. It is so easy to think that I can make a difference in this world when really only God can do that task. It is almost as if I have to come to end of my rope before Ilet go and let God take over. I know from very personal experience that I have had to learn that lesson of letting God take control over and over again. At times I find myself wondering how I am going to ’lead’ this church and at such times I must turn it over to God and wait on Him. When I do that God gives me a peace that not only will everything be all right but that it will be according to His plan and will. Not always focused like I should be, I needed yesterday to help me once again learn to depend on God to guide my steps.
I am getting ready to leave on a vacation in a couple of days. I am going to Michigan to see my uncle and aunt and to visit some of Phyllis’ friends. I must confess that there are all too many times I really don’t count my blessings. My wife wants to spend time with me and I enjoy her company. That is wonderful! In fact she is a wonderful mate. Great news! I have two wonderful children who married exceptional women. They are making it on their own and doing much better than I was at their age. Can it get any better? I am going to visit friends. I have people that want to see me and be with me and they don’t have to do that thing. I pastor a church with many wonderful people who are so kind and loving to me and my family. Wow! It can get better and it does! What bothers me about all of this is that there are all too many times I look at what I don’t have and want more and forget what blessings I already have. I am going to ask God today to open my eyes to the many blessings that are right under my nose all the time. I am blessed in so many ways I really can’t count them all.
Sometimes I feel totally inadequate for the tasks I am called upon to do. I find myself in a profession that is ever changing. To make matters more difficult it seems at times that everybody has a suggestion on how I should be doing my job. As these many thoughts run through my mind, I am reminded again that each day I must lean heavily upon God and His guidance. If God is not in lead then all I do is really a wasted effort. I am so thankful for the fact that I do have someone to help me manage my life and my life’s work. I may not understand all I am called on to do but I do know that I must put follow the One who wants to lead us all.
Today my wife and I went for a bike ride. It was a beautiful day to be outside and we enjoyed the ride very much. Being out in creation is a wonderful experience for me. There is something about just seeing, hearing, smelling, and touching creation that is holy. I find myself at such times just wanting to praise God for all He has given me in this beautiful world. That bike ride also cleared my mind and let me come at some thoughts in a new and more meaningful way. I hope that I can get outside more in the days ahead. It does me wonders.
Today is turning into a good day for me. I have gotten my haircut and already made several good connection with people. I have completed several projects that have been hanging over my head. I still have more to do. But I feel a sense of accomplishment already. Strange how a day goes isn’t it? They can have all sorts of little things that can make or break us. I am more a moody person than my wife and I am learning from her to not get sucked into the many little things that happen. It can be a good day if I get nothing done. I have the power within myself to delight in this day or be unhappy with it. I jsut don’t always tap into that Power.
I had a busy weekend. I went to a live play in Breeze on Friday night and then a musical evening on Saturday night. Sunday we had company both after church and then in the evening too. Monday found me tired with many things to do to ’catch up’ from the weekend. I don’t like being tired because when I am feeling exhausted I loose perspective on life. It is when I am not rested that I fall prey to some real ‘strange’ thinking. Life does not always look good to me at such times. Knowing this has helped me to know that there are times I just need to rest and be refreshed. I have always loved the creation story. In it God rested on the seventh day. So, today I am taking the afternoon off and going to practice my guitar and just rest. Tomorrow will be a better day because of my resting.
I just got back from a leadership training event. One of the insights the leader of this event mentioned was prayer walking. He thought by walking in our communities God can give us new eyes to see our familiar surroundings. When I look around O’Fallon I really don’t see it like I should. I tend to see only those I know and am comfortable being around. Sometimes I get so busy I really don’t look at all. I am hoping to get out of my office more and more and into the mission field that is all around me. I am asking God for new eyes to see those people that cross my path each day.
Today as I was taking my dog, Pablo, for a walk I thought about how much change the church has seen in my lifetime. When I trained for ministry, ministers stood behind a pulpit and preached. Music was pretty much an organ with a piano helping out from time to time. People coming to church were dressed in their ‘Sunday best.’ In my hometown most of the stores were closed on Sunday and it never occured to me that church worship would be at any other time other than Sunday morning after Sunday School. Change is here to stay even in the church. I am attempting to learn new ways to minister and to be faithful to the mission of making disciples of Jesus Christ. It is so easy to think that tradition (how it has been done before) needs to be carried on and it vital to the mission. Tradition is important but it is not the message. The message does not change but how it is presented and what language is used to present it does and in fact must change to speak to a changing world. I struggle with this fact. Some days I want to retreat and just keep things the same as always. It seems to take less energy and thinking. But I know in my heart that God calls us to struggle and it is in struggling that we grow.
Sunday I played basketball in our church’s tournament. I had a great time. The team I was on did very well but not because of me. We had a tall player who was extremely good. I found out that my chief contribution to the team was making sure John (the tall one) got the ball. I enjoyed the physical exercise but more than that I loved seeing so many of our Church family having a good time. Sunday I learned that our church can have a Church service in the
Today is my son’s birthday. Markus has been a delight to our family since birth and today I am going to drive over and spend some time with him. Birthdays are a cause of celebration for me. I can still remember the day he was born and the hospital where it all took place. I need this birthday to remind me of my life and what really matters in it. I need to be a good parent even now when they are gone from the nest. I need to love their mother more and show my sons and their families love and compassion. For me being a Christian is not just something I do as church. It is a way of life that should be seen in my daily relationship. When I get done writing these words, I am going to take some time and just sit and thank God for my family. Tonight when I sit around the table eating with my son and his wife I am going to silently pray that I can be their in a very real way for them both. I love pastoring because I do get to see many others like myself who are letting God help them be the family where love abounds.
I just finished reading the book The Gospel According to Starbucks. I learned a lot about coffee and marketing but I also learned about how in the Western world, of which we are all a part, we are more interested in belief than action. In other words the church is more concerned about making sure individuals believe correctly than if they are living correctly. I see it all the time. Someone says they really don’t believe in this or that behavior and yet they are engaged in it. I guess one could say the proof of the pudding is not in the belief about it but in the tasting of it. As I have had time to reflect on this thought I am hoping that I am not one who sees it in others but not in me. I am going to ask God to help me integrate my life to where what I believe I live.
Today is the Thursday before Easter. I am waiting for an appointment and then I must get ready for the Maundy Thursday service. This service always touches me emotionally. It is the service we remember Jesus having the Last Supper with His disciples. I cannot imagine the emotions He must have felt knowing His time on earth was short. I sometimes ignore my growing older and closer to leaving this earth. For me it is easy to just think I am here for a little while longer. But down deep inside of myself I know that I am just passing through this world. And I guess that is how I want to live. I want to live a bit more relaxed knowing that life is fleeting. I think on my way home I will walk slower and breathe the air a bit more deeply and enjoy the greening of the grass. Life with God is always good.
Yesterday, Sunday, we tried a new service at 8:33. We had 42 people at it and it ran very smoothly. There are some wrinkles that need to be ironed out but I was happy with the results. As with all of life, it is in God’s hands and He alone knows the future for all of us and that includes the church. But what I am most happy about it to be a part of a church that is willing to try new ideas and ways of doing ministry. I have felt for some time now that some of the ways the church at large has traditionally done ministry is not reaching out enough. O’Fallon First has been willing to reach out more and more and I pray that I am willing to change and try different ways to reach out, too. Today I am going to spend time in prayer asking God to allow me to be open to fresh ways of living. It it not easy for me to be open to God’s new words. I tend to live my life in the same rut and yet God calls me to venture out by faith into new areas of life.
Today I came to work hoping to get a lot done. Friday’s usually are a good day to get things accomplished. But not today! There have been phone calls that have required me to call others for help. Some phone calls were someone wanting to help me out by offering a service that usually required some financial commitment. My office has seen those who had real needs and those who just wanted to talk. I am sitting at my desk wondering when I am going to get done what I thought would be done by now. I am tempted to feel sorry for myself and then I think of Jesus and His life. He had many interruptions and for him they were all important and a part of His showing God’s love. I hope I can view life that way, too. God sends people into our lives not to bother us but so that we can minister to them. I am going to get in my truck and go to the hospital and visit a person who is sick there and on the way I am going to thank God for the interruptions of life that come my way. God sent them and I hope I am able to thank God for all He gives me. I really want to be that type of person.
My wife tells me each year during the days before Easter that I get somehow seem to feel the pressure of the season. I get more easily upset and tend to lose my perspective on life. So, I really look forward to Easter Sunday. This year more than ever I am really looking forward to Easter. I guess it is because I have been doing some thinking about life in general and I just learned the news that a man I dearly loved passed away suddenly. I just saw him a few weeks ago and he was feeling fine. In fact he is my dentist and worked on my teeth. He was giving me some advice about health issues and looking forward to a few days off in Florida. While in Florida he died suddenly. My heart is still grieving in its own way. I will miss him in many ways. I am a close friend to his son and I know his son will miss him, too. His son told me that his mom just wants to crawl up and die, too. I know her feeling and I am sure she feels as if a part of herself died, too. All of this makes me glad for Easter. Easter is around the corner. It is almost here. Easter says to me in a very personal way death has been conquered. Close friends do not die forever. They live on in God’s kingdom. I rejoice that Easter is coming.
Phyllis and I got up early this morning and took Pablo our dog for his morning walk. We were walking around Rock Springs Park when Phyllis suggested we try the trails. So, we all went off road so to speak. We could not believe what we saw. The newly fallen snow hung on the trees that gave the trails a whole new look. In fact it was so beautiful that words cannot really do it justice. As I waked along those various paths and took in the view I thought about how God is the greatest artist of all. He paints so many colorful and eye pleasing pictures that it is so easy to forget about His handiwork. I have eyes but I do not always see. Today I am aksing God to open my eyes that I may see the greatness of God everywhere even in paths not normally taken.
Today I went to Children’s hospital in St. Louis. I visited with a young man from our congregation who is very sick. I stood by his bed listening to him voice some of his fears. Tears came easily for him as he expressed the thought that he might not ever get any better. I thanked him for sharing with me and had prayer. On my way to the parking lot I rode the elevator with parents whose child was very ill and they were in tears. Walking across the parking lot I thanked God for my two healthy sons and their families. God has been good to me in so many ways. Yet, I feel ashamed that it took a trip to Children’s hospital to get me to see some obvious blessings that I just live with and don’t thank God enough for giving them to me. Today I praise God for being able to walk, talk, and just breathe.
Today ‘bad’ weather reared it head. The streets are slick and many schools have been cancelled. I walked to work this morning and got many things done. I went out for lunch and when I came back everyone had gone home early for the day. I am sure the weather caused them to go home before they got snowed in. So, I sat down and began to work in the church all alone. It is quite a different feeling to be in the church all alone. As I sat at my desk I glanced out the window I felt God’s presence entering my office. Suddenly I knew that I was not alone and that I am never alone. I like that idea. In fact it gives me courage and peace. No matter what comes my way I am not alone. I wish I had that feeling every moment of my life. However, there are times when I fall prey to feeling alone and feeling the pain of that thought. But for now I will just soak in God being with me as I work on in a church with no one in it but me and God.
Phyllis and I are daily thanking God for the many blessings that we have living in the good old USA. We have space, food, sights, and many others that make us feel like we live like ‘kings and queens.’ We enjoyed seeing our family and spending time daily with our grandson. What a joy that God blesses us with so much. I pray that I will always have a heart of praise for all that God does for me. It is good to get away to really appreciate what we have right here at home. There truly is no place like hom.
I just got down reading an email for my Bishop and she shared that two ministers that I know, Gene Mace and MileyPalmer, lost a granddaughter at the shootings at NIU. My heart goes out to them both. Their hearts must be broken and I wonder why such senseless happenings have to occur. I must spend more time alone with God and let him bring healing to my heart and life. Life brings many tragic events and only time alone with God helps me through these difficult times.
This Monday, February 4, Phyllis and I will be leaving for a trip to Beligium. I cannot believe that it is happening. I feel like I am abandoning my work but I need a break from my task every now and then. The main reason to go to Europe is to visit with our son and his family. As a proud grandparent I must say that the cute and smart grandson is the main reason for the trip. I will keep you updated and I want you to know that I love being a part of this church family. May you know that as I leave Illinois I will not leave it in my heart. As I use this days ahead to renew, please pray for me that I might be led of God in all that I do. I will let you know how the trip went after I get back.